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Guts and Balls - The Medical Distinction
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to
keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts
to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping
your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since
both ultimately result in death.
How to become an illegal alien:
Becoming Illegal
(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)
The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC , 20510
Dear Senator Harkin,
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have
contacted
the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred
me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently
passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal
alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen
is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am
anxious to get
the process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect
of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively?
This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once
I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her
law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for
my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those
burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the
necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.
Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington , IA
Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040.
Please pass this onto your friends so they can save on this great offer!!!!
Who SAYS it can't be done?
PRESIDENTS HOOVER & EISENHOWER DEPORTED MILLIONS OF ILLEGALS!
Here is something that should be of great interest for you to pass around. I didn't know of this until it was pointed
out to me. But, back during the Great Depression, President Herbert Hoover ordered the deportation of all illegal aliens in
order to make jobs available to American citizens that desperately needed work.
And then again in 1954, President Dwight Eisenhower deported 1.3 million Mexican nationals! The program was called "Operation
"Wetback" so that American WWII and Korean veterans had a better chance at jobs. It took 2 years, but they deported
them!
Now, if they could deport the illegals back then, they can sure do it today!! If you have doubts about the veracity of
this information, enter Operation Wetback into your favorite search engine and confirm it for yourself.
Reminder. Don't forget to pay your taxes... 12 million illegal aliens are depending on you!
Just when you thought you knew everything.....
The liquid inside young coconuts
can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma.
No piece of paper can be folded in half
more than seven (7) times.
Donkeys kill more people annually
than plane crashes.
You burn more calories sleeping
than you do watching television.
The first product to have a bar code
was Wrigley's gum.
The King of Hearts is the only king
WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987
by eliminating one (1) olive
from each salad served in first-class.
Apples, not caffeine,
are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
Most dust particles in your house are made from
DEAD SKIN!
PEARLS MELT
IN VINEGAR!
The three most valuable brand names on earth:
Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
A duck's quack doesn't echo,
and no one knows why.
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from
a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
And the best for last.....
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(I know some people like that, don't YOU?)
IN VINEGAR!
Oak trees do not produce acorns
until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
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